It’s 4 solutions to 4 questions. Right here we go…

1. Is it OK to flirt at networking occasions?

The opposite night time I used to be speaking with a pal from grad college. We work in the identical discipline, however not in the identical a part of the nation so our work doesn’t immediately overlap anymore. He stated he simply went to a convention, and at a night networking occasion he met a lady round his age and was speaking to her. He stated that he doesn’t meet ladies his age a lot (he’s in his mid 30s) and so he felt like he needed to flirt together with her, given the possibility.

I requested him if it was a piece convention (since possibly it was like a pastime conference or one thing) and he confirmed it was for work. I informed him that wasn’t applicable and also you shouldn’t flirt with individuals at work. He bought much more upset than I anticipated and thinks I’m completely mistaken. I attempted to clarify my expertise as a lady having individuals hit on me at work features, and the way a lot it sucks. I attempted to clarify that folks at work ought to be handled like they’re at work. He actually dug in on how mistaken I used to be, and it made me marvel if I’m mistaken?

I handle a workforce of ~20 individuals, and I spend loads of time working to make my career a safer and extra welcoming house for individuals of all genders. I’ve seen how steadily of us in my discipline act in a method that makes another person really feel unsafe, typically in relation to their gender, or by attempting to determine a sexual or romantic relationship at a piece perform. I’m not saying my pal is a predator, however I do know that if I noticed somebody I supervised behaving the way in which he described behaving, I’d discuss to them about it and allow them to understand it’s not okay. However possibly I’m off-base right here? I simply need everybody to have the ability to go to a piece convention and be handled like an expert at work.

You’re not off-base. It could be completely different in case your pal stated he and the lady had apparent mutual chemistry and she or he was displaying clear indicators of curiosity. However all he stated was “I don’t meet ladies my age a lot so I needed to take the chance to flirt with one”? That’s simply him directing his Pants Emotions* at her, not any sort of mutually welcome alternate — and she or he deserves to have the ability to go to a piece convention with out coping with that.

Possibly you might discuss to your pal about how flirting isn’t purported to be one-sided, and that he wants to observe for indicators of mutual curiosity first — and that the bar for these indicators is larger in a piece context than it is perhaps in a social one as a result of individuals really feel extra stress to be pleasant in work contexts, and in addition as a result of they’re extra captive. However I’m skeptical it’ll get via to him; he sounds fairly dedicated to believing that he ought to be capable to indulge his personal pursuits with out regard to his goal’s consolation.

* credit score to Captain Awkward

Associated:
I used to be hit on at a convention … was I too pleasant?

2. Ought to I take this second job?

I work full-time at a nonprofit job that I actually take pleasure in. An outdated supervisor of mine lately reached out and requested if I’d be concerned with a really well-paid place at one other nonprofit, intently associated to my expertise. The place is distant, versatile, and solely 10-15 hours/week for 50 weeks of the 12 months, so I might stay at my present place as nicely. The one catch is that I must attend their one main annual occasion, for 2 full weeks each October. I get 14 days of trip (it doesn’t roll over year-to-year), so I might theoretically take the 2 full weeks and nonetheless have just a few days left over annually.

Would this be detrimental to my present place? I’ve a strong fame and I might simply full work forward of the holiday time, however I nonetheless marvel if individuals will quietly be irritated if I’m gone the identical two weeks each October.

The most important problem: you’d be limiting your self to 4 days of trip a 12 months! That’s … principally no day without work. And if you happen to’re going to be working 50-55 hours every week or extra between the 2 jobs, you’re actually going to want a while off to loosen up and decompress. I’d argue that alone makes it unworkable.

However past that: what if you happen to can’t at all times get these actual two weeks off each October? What when you’ve got a piece undertaking which means you may’t be gone then, or another person books the time first and you may’t overlap?

The one method I might see it working is that if (a) you’re up-front together with your full-time job about what you’re doing and ask them to decide to at all times providing you with these two weeks off (which they could or might not comply with) and (b) your principal job helps you to take the 2 weeks off unpaid, in order that it doesn’t minimize into your trip time for the 12 months.

3. My interviewer stated an worker was sad he was interviewing me

I lately began on the lookout for a brand new job that higher aligns with my profession aspirations. Sadly, I’ve not had a ton of luck. After chatting with a contact, they shared their pal’s data with me, saying he owned an organization that does what I need to do and could be hiring for my place quickly for a begin time in mid-spring. I used to be excited!

After sending my resume, we shortly scheduled a cellphone interview, which went rather well. The proprietor was fast to reply to emails and, after the cellphone name went nicely, stated we’d join in-person in just a few weeks. I reached out to schedule that assembly and he didn’t reply instantly. 5 days later, he referred to as, apologized for the delay, and stated he would name to schedule that meet-up early the subsequent week.

Nevertheless, throughout that decision, he acknowledged just a few instances that somebody had entry to his emails and was sad with the potential modifications coming to the corporate. He stated greater than as soon as, “Some persons are resistant to vary, and so they had been sad with what they noticed.” He additionally stated that that individual’s entry to his e-mail would change. All very ambiguous, however it felt fairly apparent that he was saying somebody had seen my e-mail about interviewing and was preventing the prospect of me approaching board. It didn’t really feel prefer it was about me personally, however about the truth that the corporate desires to develop and would require extra individuals. I informed him that I hoped my e-mail didn’t put him in a nasty spot, and he stated it didn’t in a brisk, dismissive method. However he did say to make use of his cell quantity any longer.

That decision gave me pause, and when he didn’t attain out to schedule something the next week, I simply let or not it’s. My thought course of was, “Do I actually need to depart a job the place I’m largely snug to be met with a workforce or doubtlessly a co-owner that hates the mere considered me?”

I don’t know what to do. Was that weirdness one thing I ought to take note of? Or ought to I name and ask if we will set a time to satisfy this week?

Don’t dismiss the job with so little data! It’s an indication to search out out extra, however it won’t be almost as dangerous as you’re pondering. There’s nothing right here that signifies the individual “hates the mere considered you”!

Should you’d in any other case nonetheless have an interest, contact him and say you’re nonetheless concerned with assembly if he nonetheless thinks it is sensible. Then, in case your conversations progress, in some unspecified time in the future it is best to say, “You talked about there may very well be some employees resistance to bringing me on. Are you able to inform me extra about what I’d must count on in that regard?”

4. Coworker spies on me to see if I’m working

What do I do a few coworker who is continually, and I imply continuously, peeking round corners to see that I’m working and within the two years has been unsuccessfully attempting to catch me not working? The hypocrisy is that he’s the one who must be checked on as a result of the one factor he works exhausting at is on the lookout for methods to not work.

Why not simply ask about it point-blank? “It’s actually distracting once you peek across the nook like that. Why do you retain doing it?” … adopted by, “Please cease. It retains breaking my focus.”

If it retains taking place after that: “Dude, you’re being bizarre and a bit of creepy.”

In an alternate universe, you might arrange a big full-length mirror going through in his route, so when he peeks across the nook he’ll come face-to-face with himself, not working.